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1. I always ask about food allergies when hosting folks being that my kid had food allergies that she's been fortunate to outgrow.

   We've gotten around the birthday treats at school by outlawing birthday treats, not only for allergy reasons but it leaves out the diabetics too. Since my girls wear uniforms they get an out of uniform day on their birthday (or right around it if it falls on the weekend or towards the begining or end of school for the summer birthdays). It seems sort of harsh to take that tradition away from kids but that was the only truly fair (and easiest) way to deal with the issue.

   Comment by Michelle — August 28, 2009 @ 9:00 pm

2. Having a child with a peanut allergy, I have found that most parents will ask me about what he can have. If their child is set on a specific treat that he can't have, they will bring something special for my son to make sure he has something.

   Our school has had issues with food allergies (peanut, wheat, red dye, etc), diabetes and other things. Because of that, this year they no longer allow food treats on birthdays. Instead, the teachers are suggesting a classroom gift for the birthday. Something that can be used for a fun activity or project.

   I think having a child with a food allergy really shows you who your friends are. They are the ones who think about it before you even have to say anything.

   Comment by Anonymous — August 28, 2009 @ 9:06 pm

3. My kids don't have allergies, so they're not excluded due to diet. However, I'd LOVE it if their schools outlawed birthday treats. When did birthday treats become such a big deal? I never got birthday treats in school as a kid… we were lucky to get something at Christmas and Valentine's Day. Now I feel like someone's offering my kids a cupcake on an almost daily basis. Yikes! They don't need more access to sugar!

   Comment by Mande — August 28, 2009 @ 9:19 pm

4. My question is, why would you serve the very food item at your own parties that your own husband is alergic to? Avacados, dont be a hypocrite!

   Comment by Anonymous — August 28, 2009 @ 11:23 pm

5. Anonymous above… Don't be a hater! Colette, I think people are ignorant to food allergies. And it is so wrong to not include every single person in class for a bday treat. Also so wrong to serve allergens at dinner to an allergic guest. My extended family was not happy at all when I announced that Christmas eve had to be nut free. My friend and her family have three family members w life-threatening nut allergies. And shrimp allergies. Horrors of horrors I wasn't able to serve our traditional tray of fresh shrimp. Get over it! It's food. I'm tired of living in a society that centers all celebrations around food. Pam M from Omaha

   Comment by Anonymous — August 29, 2009 @ 12:25 am

6. Anonymous (2) who called me a hypocrite, clearly you know me and don't want me to know who you are, do you realize there are tracking devices on these sites? Regardless, 2 years ago when Paul became highly, deathly allergic to avocados we still kept them (as well as the bananas) in the house, for about another 8-10 months. But the risk of having them became too big and we took them out of the house. Now since then I can say that maybe twice both at an annual girl christmas thing I have where I've served sushi (with avocados) and maybe had some guac they've been here. Once I was dying for an avocado and paul was at work, so I bought one, ate it, cleaned up really well and felt happy. We've been to parties with both bananas and avocados and we just ask for them not to be on his plate and to be careful not to cross contaminate.

   I suppose, I don't mean having some allergens around, because they are sometimes, but more like when it's the main part of the dinner/snack. Like with birthday treats, a cookie mixed with nuts to the kid with a nut allergy is not cool, just like any other allergy.

   This, of course, is my opinion and my site, and I don't think I'm a hypocrite, but hell maybe I am. I wish the person with the words was big enough to just come out and call me a hypocrite to my face instead of hiding behind the anonymous tag.

   Comment by colette — August 29, 2009 @ 7:23 am

7. I do think it is important to bring birthday treats that are appropriate for the entire class of kids. And I agree that most people are not that conscious about the food allergy issue. Since bakeries that service food allergies are few and far between, maybe it would be helpful to post sites via the school newsletter that provide recipes for allergy free treats. (and I think there is an adorable mom at McKenzie that is starting one!). For the newsletter, write an article about the concern and offer solutions. I bet most parents, once aware of the problem, would do their best to bring in treats that are appropriate.

   Comment by Julia DeVos Ford — August 29, 2009 @ 7:27 am

8. So, you know your friends who don't have kids, and who therefore don't get why you can't chat on the phone 24/7, or why you cant spend a whole day out shopping with them or whatever? I think food allergies are like that–unless you have a child who has them, or have them yourself, it is hard to "get it", even if you have the best of intentions.

   That said, I think birthday treats are ridiculous. Especially where we live, where there will be a family celebration, and then maybe a nice party on top of that, why in the world do we need to celebrate at school, too? I don't send birthday treats, even if the teacher says it's okay, because we celebrate at home and that's that.

   Of course there will be people who love birthday treats and will send them in. Keep in mind that there are a lot of allergies/conditions out there, and again, even with the best of intentions, someone is bound to be left out. While leaving someone out is not something anyone should promote, it will happen, especially with food allergies.

   Soon your child will be more independent and have to navigate play dates, parties, college cafeterias, work functions, etc. where you won't be able to manage what's served. I guess I would focus on preparing him for that inevitability in a positive way. Even if it's necessitated by a food allergy, learning to choose what's right for you and only you is actually a powerful thing and a good life skill.

   Anyway, I don't think people mean to be mean in the case of birthday treats. Like I said, there's a lot to keep track of and feel guilty about as parents these days–whole wheat vs. white bread, hydrogenated oils, organic vs. non-organic, bike helmets, seat belts, no idling in the carpool line, recycling, food allergies, and on and on–I think most people are just trying to do the best they can!

   Comment by hen and barley press — August 29, 2009 @ 7:45 am

9. I think birthday treats are ridiculous. If it's your kids birthday, pack him/her a cupcake in their lunch. Why do we feel the need for the entire class to have to have a treat? Why can't they all recognize the birthday child with a quick rendition of "Happy Birthday"? BUT, if there are going to be treats in class, it's just plain disrespectful to ignore a child's allergies and bring in something that not everyone can partake in. It sends a message to the child that they are inconsequential. Please! Any parent of a child with allergies will be more than happy to provide you with a list of alternative treats. It's not that hard to be nice!

   Comment by Anonymous — August 29, 2009 @ 8:01 am

10. I see both sides of the "birthday treat" dilemma; for some, bringing cupcakes to school is the "party." There is not another one. This is exactly what happened at my daughter's school the very first day of school. The child's grandmother asked everyone at orientation if anyone had a problem with her bringing cupcakes for his birthday.

    My gripe is food treats in general. My kids' school will give food-related treats (candy, coke passes, etc) for good behavior. I had to send a note to school requesting my children not receive food as a reward. It is a very difficult battle to fight.

    Back to the topic at hand. When I do send something to school, I always find out if there are allergies and either find something everyone can have or find something specific for that child so he/she can be included.

    Comment by wendy — August 29, 2009 @ 10:03 am

11. My 7 year old son John has severe food allergies, and in his short life has had to deal with being excluded from school events, bday parties, after sports season parties, pizza parties, camp parties, etc. We've tried to educate him to advocate for himself, and have made accommodations often to help him feel like a "normal" kid. With that said, why should he feel excluded at school when every other month a child brings in treats to celebrate his birthday?John will be left out. He always is.

    School is meant to be a safe haven, a place where everyone is included. Why are schools alllowing treats in a classroom when that very treat could cause a life threatening allergic reaction? I ask any parent I know to try to walk a day in our shoes, to know what that thought feels like, and be empathetic to why food should be taken out of bday celebrations at school.

    Our school is afraid to take the next step of creating a policy because of the backlash. It's change. No one likes change. But I believe MANY parents are actually receptive to this change because it puts the emphasis back on the celebration itself, not just the food. Many parents would love to do away with the extra sugar. Parents like me would feel a little bit safer. Colette, you bring up an excellent point about it not being right to exclude children at school, games, etc. So why is it acceptable to exlude them in this case? Shouldn't we put the health, safety of our children first?

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping others to become more aware of this.

    Comment by kelly — August 29, 2009 @ 10:28 am

12. totally off subject, but, have you ever wondered why drivers feel so free to pick their nose in the car?
    Do they think they become invisible the moment they slide behind the wheel?
    I have to be very careful where I look when I pull up next to a car at a stop light, and freeways are a "free" for all! Just curious.

    Comment by Brenda — August 29, 2009 @ 12:02 pm

13. Kelly, I would take your comments about taking food out of school birthday celebrations one step further–WHY do birthdays need to be celebrated at school at all? It seems like there is an event for everything at our school these days, to the point where even trick or treat is somewhat ho-hum because the kids have worn their costumes so many times already. Personally, I'd rather focus on whether or not my kids are learning in school than on stuff like treats for parties, costumes, etc., and I don't think the kids would suffer if they had fewer parties & celebrations. It's school, for god's sake!!

    Comment by hen and barley press — August 29, 2009 @ 12:49 pm

14. Not only are birthday treats for the class unnecessary, they are also an intrusion on the child's diet. Many moms worry about their childrens' weight and like to monitor their calorie intake. Having treats given at school makes it harder for us to "count calories" successfully and ration the amount of treats in a given day. I believe treats at school, especially for birthdays, should be banned.

    Comment by Anonymous — August 29, 2009 @ 12:58 pm

15. I know this whole thing started with the allergy angle, or intolerance but what about the kids with diabetes? I mean those kids can't just pop a sugar treat the way many other kids can.

    Before my kids even had a wheat thing it used to just annoy me at another parent could make a decision about what MY kid ate while at school. When is that ever ok? Seriously, my kid my decision. I have never wanted my kids to have sugar treats while at school and can never understand how the very institution that is supposed to educated our children are so vastly uneducated about the effects of sugar on kids (highs and lows).

    Comment by colette — August 29, 2009 @ 2:27 pm

16. The treat thing is driven by the parents. I could be wrong, but I bet teachers would be relieved if they didn't have to coordinate 5 different class parties with the room parents throughout the year. Don't you think a lot of parents would be miffed if they banned them (I would rejoice, but that's me)? There are people who live to plan this stuff, and say that their kid would be so sad if there were no Halloween celebration or whatever. Um, be a parent and tell your kid to get over it!!! A kid's reaction to something is more often than not a reflection of the way we as parents handle things, don't you think?

    But I don't think other parents are making decisions about what your child is eating at school–just like you can eat or not eat the cafeteria food, you can eat or not eat whatever stuff gets brought into the classroom, or bring your own stuff in. That is reasonable. Again though, it would be so much better if they simplified and got rid of all this extra stuff. Don't we all have enough to do already? I nominate you to spearhead this, Colette!!

    Comment by hen and barley press — August 30, 2009 @ 7:44 am

17. Well, hen, since I don't really care if they all hate me perhaps I should spearhead it. hee hee, although one of my friends has tried with our superintendent on several occasions to make a point and it falls on deaf ears. I found out from our lunch lady that the survey the district ran, which I didn't fill out, came back with 65% of the participants just fine with food the way it is now and thats behind the decision not to change the treat policy. I guess I would have filled it out if I thought we could change food on it (instead of it just being about a bunch of boring stuff). Oh well.

    On my facebook page my friend stacy said her kid has allergies and she doesn't want them to include him because then the kids may pigeonhole him as the allergy kid and not want him in their class because they can't have the treat they want. I've heard that about some kids around here too. All I have to say to that is that it's another problem about the treat in the first place. It promotes prejudice. I doubt a kid would have an opinion about a specific treat unless it was learned from their parent. Seriously, when I hear that stuff it kind of aggravates me, who cares what the treat is if you're getting one? Clearly many people do. But again I'd just like to see the whole thing go by the wayside. School is for learning.

    Comment by colette — August 30, 2009 @ 8:30 am

18. Whew! Lots 'o passion here. Hey Colette ~ When i got your email Friday asking for a comment, i wanted to think about it (trying to be quick to listen, slow to speak). So all day Saturday and all day today, i've been asking a variety of friends & moms, many of whom have food/allergy issues 1) how they would feel personally; and 2) how they would feel if it involved their children.

    One friend: "If my son had the allergy issue? Oh, i'd let the birthday kid bring in the cupcake. No need to be a buzz kill." Three friends, one who has a serious/restricting food issue: words to the effect, "I think it would be a good opporunity to teach my child to be selfless. And then maybe i'd make it an opportunity for him/her to make a special treat for themselves when they got home from school." Another friend: "What if a whole bunch of the kids have a bunch of different allergies? How do you please everyone?" Another friend: "Is this an allergy that could kill them?"

    I have several family members who are diabetic–one a child, two adults. At one family gathering, i did not have sugar free drinks or sugar free ice cream. The mom was gracious and said no worry, and i apologized. But i made a mental note to self to make sure i always had something after that. It was a learning curve. For all of us. But even to this day, she and the adults do not make it an issue when i serve something that is sugary–in fact, my brother-in-law actually serves up some pretty good desserts and he's the diabetic! (I think he's just showing off cuz he knows he's a good cook ).

    I also think the "birthday at school" thing can get out of hand. Who brings what, what is the take-home gift, etc. School is for academic learning. We already have plenty of "celebrations." The teachers already have their hands full without trying to juggle another issue.

    As i see it, this is not an issue about inclusion. I see it as an opportunity to learn & celebrate…for the birthday child to learn to think of others and consider bringing in, say, fruit instead. And for my kids, if they are the ones w/the allergies, to learn to be happy for the child whose birthday it is, grateful, & politely decline the treat and bring it home…so mommy can eat it! (p.s. it's jasmine here… i think i'm coming thru as "anonymous" cuz the site won't take my username or gmail. I'm being EXCLUDED!! they should make this easier for me! I'm a cyber dork!)

    Comment by Anonymous — August 30, 2009 @ 10:52 pm

19. Lots of Passion and I found this link via foodallergymama. My daughter has severe food allergies since she was 6 months old. She just started 3rd grade and the kids have been taught tollerance with her. we had a birthday 2 days after school started and had not sent her birthday treat to school yet. and everyone in class was like did she get a treat. The classmates make sure she is safe and sometimes want what she is having instead. it is no big deal for them and her if things are different cause folks we are all different. She will not grow out of these allergies and so with that she needs to speak up for herself when she wants and needs too. I found myself making a bigger deal out of things than she wanted me to and have learned that something she doesn't care and some things she does I just need to make sure I ask often.
    maybe I am lucky and there are things we are working on at school. but anyone who invites us over and or want to bring in a meal usually ask me what to bring or what I can match. just saying

    Comment by Anonymous — August 31, 2009 @ 11:53 am

20. I have the perfect solution to this problem! Instead of birthday "treats"… the child can bring their favorite book to school and read it to the class and be a special helper for the day! For a society that sports some of the highest obesity rates in the world we should stop rewarding our children with sweets. Don't get me wrong…I fully support a delicious, velvety, chocolate cake to celebrate just about any occasion. But is school really the place for these goodies to be consumed?? Think of all the instructional time that is lost each school year because the teacher feels obligated to celebrate each child's birthday with a rounds of treats. Let's say the typical class has 24 students. Multiply that by the 30 minutes it takes to distribute, consume, clean-up and refocus the students. That's 12 hours of lost instructional time a school year!! It is sooo much better for the child to feel special the entire day by reading their favorite book to their friends and being a special helper. And think of all the other benefits…the birthday child gets to practice their reading skills, speaking in front of a group build self-confidence, they get to share a book that is special to them, and the class gets to enjoy a wonderful story read by a friend. And, you don't have to spend hours looking for a treat recipe that doesn't include flour, eggs, milk and nuts! I know…I know… it doesn't sound quite as exciting as a mouthwatering cupcake with sprinkles on top…but believe me….once your school makes the switch you will never look back! Our school switched to a "no treats" school two years ago. It was followed by grumbles from students and parents, alike. But everyone adjusted! The kids enjoy their treats at home and look forward to their special birthday day at school. So put down your mixing bowls and spatulas and pick up a good book! Our kids will all be healthier and smarter because of it!

    Comment by Susan, Ridgewood NJ — August 31, 2009 @ 12:46 pm

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