Today’s question is: if you find something you’re not supposed to, and you don’t want it to be what scares you, does it go away if you ignore it?
Background: I’ve put off posting this for a good month. Probably because I’d love to live in denial. I kind of like denial but I’m not good at it. I’m so much more of a realist. I realize life happens, my part is just riding out what I can, I have no control, it controls me.
9 years ago my man had cancer. It wasn’t his first time. Testicular cancer was his original diagnosis when he was 28 years old. That was a year before he met me. He went through a battery of tests and surgeries back then and came out on top, all was clear. I never really gave it that much thought, he was healthy, hardy and happy when I met him. I wrote about his relapse a few years ago, briefly, and again last year. It was everything you’d expect, complicated by the fact that we had small children and I was pregnant. All has been well since his second treatment. He beat the beast and recovered fabulously.
In January, he had his annual check up and they found a very small spot on his lung, 2mm. In the world of nodules 2mm is nothing. They don’t consider it a problem at all. Many of us have 2mm nodules on our lungs due to colds that run through the air. This is not a big deal for most people in the world and I completely understand this. As a general rule when a patient has been under close observation over a number of years and there is nothing in a ct scan (or chest xray) and then something shows up it’s somewhat remarkable. This would classify as somewhat remarkable. So the follow up is: new ct in 3 months.
I’ve been quite about this because, while I am totally freaked out, I completely understand that this could be totally normal. I also understand that by telling Paul that it could be totally normal, he has viewed it as completely normal. Personally, I do not think this is completely normal. I absolutely think he needs his follow up ct scan on April 18th. The main reason I am even writing about this is he informed me tonight that he had no intention of going to his appointment on the 18th. He said he feels fine and he can’t think of why he should go. Boy, am I glad I asked. I’ve been walking on eggshells about this subject, but no longer.
I told him flat out that not going was not an option. Finding out sooner rather than later is about 300 times better with regards to this kind of cancer. Knowing it’s nothing earlier is priceless (if it doesn’t grow at all, or very little, between when he had the original ct and now, it is highly unlikely that it is the same kind of cancer.)!
I am fairly sure that our quick conversation tonight aligned him in the belief that the ct scan is the way to go (oh how he hates them). I know that if he doesn’t go, I will be all over him to reschedule within days and I will have his doctor all over him. Most of me believes this is nothing, I pray it is nothing. My hope is you, my friends, will pray the same. I will keep you posted, please just keep us in your prayers and don’t let paul know I’m stressed by telling you (he hardly ever reads this). He’s probably stressed enough on his own.
Love, colette
