Today’s question is: Why don’t people teach their kids to chew with their mouths closed?

Background:  This is a pet peeve of mine.  This is also something that has stumped me for quite some time.  I simply do not understand why people don’t encourage their children to chew with their mouths closed.  Have you ever gone to a business dinner or on a date and have the person next to you 1. talk with his/her mouth full of food? 2. Chew with his/her mouth open? or 3. Chomp so loudly and open that you can actually see what is in their mouth?  They are all distracting, all impolite, and very hard habits to break as an adult.

When we have other children over at the house I often have to say to them during our meals to please chew with their mouths closed and please do not speak with a full mouth of food.

Why don’t people teach their children this?  Can’t they picture them on dates or at business dinners like I can?

Do your kids a favor, encourage them to be conscience of their eating habits, it can’t hurt.

Today’s question is:  Why are tweens so emotional?

Background:  This is a rhetorical question.  I know why, hormones.  But seriously, did you know that I am  the worst mom ever?  I’m serious, THE WORST.

I have singlehandedly caused my lovely daughter to tell me that she “hates her life”.  Why?, why do you think she hates her life exactly?  Well, it’s because 1. I asked (ok I told) her to clean her room and 2. I made her practice her piano, which, for the record, she claimed she didn’t remember and then played perfectly for 10 minutes straight.  Go figure.

Ahh the life of the tween.  Mean mom, checking her email and making her clean her room and practice her piano.  I just need to remind myself that “this too shall pass”.

I have found that whenever I let her yell and scream and slam her door and tell me what a horrible mother I am, she takes some time to herself, calms down and always comes down to apologize.  I know it’s all part of growing up.  Somedays it is just harder than others.

Today’s question is:  Why does the junk take over in my kids rooms?

Background:  Ever walk into someone’s house that is really organized and neat and think boy do I wish my pad could look like that?  I think that all the time.

I hate piles of junk.

I hate to look at them and I hate knowing they are there.

When you have my kids, it’s a serious problem.  Here is a glimpse of some junk in each room…..

Of course this is just a part of it.  Why?  Why do they need to pile stuff up?  I wish I could instill in them the skill of getting rid of stuff that you don’t need.  Like the wrapper from a gift, why not just put that in the garbage instead of saving it on your desk?  Perhaps part of the problem stems from my own inability to keep my desk clean, but still.

Let the de-junking begin!

ps. sorry about my prolonged absence, I’m back….

Today’s question is:  Who drops their child at a complete strangers house for a sleepover and doesn’t pop in to meet the parents?

Background:  For the second time in a month I have been brought to complete disbelief in regards to some of my children’s friends.

About a month ago, my 10 year old wanted her friend from school to sleep over.  She attends a middle school now and there are children from all over our town.  Many that I have never met.  So this little girl is scheduled to come over, I spoke to the mom, very briefly a few days before so she could check to make sure I knew about the sleep over.  The night the girl came, she was dropped at the curb and came to the door by herself.  There was no parent, no discussion of when she’d get picked up in the morning, nothing.  I was shocked.

I mean, I could be a drunk, I could be a crazy person, I could be completely unreliable, I could be so many things and without coming into my door and meeting me, you’d have no idea. 

Fast forward a month, my 12 year old wanted to have her new friend sleep over.  Same deal, the girl is someone I’ve never met from the middle school.  My girl plans out the entire sleepover.  The mom never calls to double check.  I have absolutely no contact with the girl or the parents.  Once again the girl is dropped at the curb, she rings the bell and enters the house and I never see a parent.

I mean seriously, I could be a drunk, I could be a crazy person, I could be completely unreliable, I could be so many things and without coming to my door and meeting me, you’d have no idea.

Lucky for both of these parents, I am kinda normal! LOL

The thing is, I can not fathom sending any of my children to a someones house I’ve never met for a sleepover without 1. talking to them first and 2. coming to the door and meeting the parents.

We are talking about 10 and 12 year olds here.  Does anyone else think that’s a little young for a blind sleepover?  Or have I set my expectations too high on this one?

Today’s question is:  Why won’t my kids take a money bribe for their halloween candy?

Background:  Yesterday, when I was driving my middle girl to her dance class I said, “hey Daphne, will you give me all your candy if I give you $20?”  She quickly responded “no mom”.

I was shocked.

She won’t give me all her candy for $20?  I mean she could just go out and buy just as much candy with that $20 don’t you think?  Not that she would of course.

Maybe she just loves the idea of the candy a bit too much.  Here’s a picture of her with her beloved candy:

Today I offered up $40 for the candy and so far two of them won’t take the bait.  I just asked my boy and he said “totally no”.  OMG. What is up with that?

Apparently, our bribes aren’t so good.  We have to come up with a new plan, any ideas?

Today’s question is:  Why are little boys infatuated with mohawks?

Background:  My boy has begged and begged me for a mohawk for the past couple of years.  Every time I cut his hair he looks up at me and says “can I please have a mohawk?”  to which I firmly reply, “no”.

Nice aren’t I?

When, he needed a hair cut the other day and the standard question came up, I met it with a ‘yes’ instead of  ’no’ and here’s the result……

He enjoyed every second of making faces and showing off his new do.  His sister’s couldn’t get enough of taking pictures of him too.

So I won the good mom award for the day……..

because I only let him keep it long enough for the pictures and then it was back to the cutting room.

For the record, I absolutely hate mohawks, with a passion.

My boy got 10 whole minutes of his mohawk.  Luckily, he’ll have the pictures forever!

Today’s question is:  Why aren’t all art museums the same?

Background:  I’m being facetious.  All art museums definitely should not be the same.  However, yesterday I took my kids to the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) in NYC.  I became a member in January when I was in NYC with my man, knowing it would be great fun for the kids this summer.  We walked in and my boy said “take us to the miniature room mom”.   I about laughed and explained to him that we were not at the Art Institute of Chicago and not all museums are the same.  This museum has other things that he would like too.

He looked skeptical.  I took them up the first flight of stairs and there was the first, most amazing, in the eyes of the kids, exhibit.  It was the screaming exhibit.  Basically, anyone can scream into a microphone, the speakers are set to reflect the sound off of the wall.  The louder the scream the better.

We stood there for a long time while my kids decided if it would be embarrassing to scream in front of a bunch of strangers.  They decided, no way.  And then my boy walked right up there and screamed as loud as he could.

We promptly went up to the Matisse exhibit.

The entire time we were in the exhibit my boy begged me to take him downstairs so he could scream some more.    And that he did:

Thank goodness not all museums are the same!

Today’s question is:  Why does excessive giggling make me mad?

Background:  I love to hear my kids laugh, seriously, I do.  However, sometimes when we are traveling long distances in the car it makes me mad.  It makes no sense that I get so irritated with the laughing, but I do.

Today for instance, the kids were all in the second row of the car together (I hardly ever let them travel in the same row, normally one has to sit in the back row).  They were laughing and giggling and having a gay old time.  I was not irritated like I get sometimes because I am trying.

I had to run something up to someone’s door real fast and I stopped the car, with the kids giggling away, and jumped out and ran up to the door to drop off my item.  When I got back?  My boy was crying, hysterical.

I know what happened, it’s always the same when the giggling turns into crying, someone when too far.  Someone didn’t listen through the giggling and just kept it up until it turned into tears.

It happens often.

It’s exactly why the giggling irritates me.

Sometimes, if I need to concentrate on getting us somewhere and there is excessive giggling I start yelling at them to stop.  Lately whenever I do that my middle girl will say:

“Mom, we’re just kids and were just laughing, why are you yelling at us?”

Shuts me up every time.

I need to remember to breath through their giggling episodes and just let it go, they are kids and they are just having fun……even if it ends up in tears sometimes.

Today’s question is:  Who would think they’d have to have the blow job talk with their 11 year old girl?

Background:  I’m serious here, I had to talk blow jobs, among other things with my 11 year old daughter, recently.

Here’s the story, our local ice rink has something called “friday night skate”.  Basically the middle school kids all go to the rink on Friday night and skate without their parents.  Many, very, very many of them are simply dropped off and picked up from the parking lot, their parents never step foot inside.  I am not one of  those parents.

I only let my girl go once a month, and by the end of the year she didn’t want to go much at all.  But the last time she went, I was on drop off duty.  Basically I walk her and her friend(s) in, look around, talk and watch what’s going on for a while before I take off. Then whomever is picking up always shows up early to survey the situation.

The last time my girl was there, my girlfriend was on pick up duty and she showed up early to survey the  scene, like always.  It just so happened that she was standing near a bunch 5th grade girls and she overheard them discussing blow jobs.  Now this is exactly why it makes sense to get out of your car and walk in and check things out.  Had my friend never gone in, I’d be clueless like half the other moms.

Nice huh?  Nothing like a bunch of 10 and 11 year olds talking about something not many grown ups I know talk about.

Well that sparked an entire information gathering and spilling extravaganza on my part.  When I had my girl alone I asked her if she knew what a blow job was.  She said she did.  I asked her who told her, she said she didn’t know, which is mom code for I am so not telling you.  Then I said that well, you know blow jobs are super intimate and all fine and dandy if you are an adult and in a committed relationship and truly in love, but that at her age, giving a guy a blow job would mean that guy telling his friends and the next thing she knows everyone would want a blow job from her and she’d be known as the blow job girl.  Not to mention, did she really want to stick a guys penis in her mouth?  I mean really honey, do you?

Of course she didn’t, I think the grossness of the whole thing, just may keep that at bay.  That and the fact that she doesn’t like boys….yet.

It’s times like these when I sort of envy that some people live in the middle of nowhere.  A lot less blow job talk, I’m sure.

Today’s question is:  How do my kids learn to do the things I did as a kid, even though I didn’t teach them?

Background:  the other day my oldest and youngest were out on our front porch doing this:

They are in yoga legs, trying to walk on their knees.

The funny thing is I used to do this all the time as a kid.  I loved putting my legs in yoga legs and trying to get up the stairs, or down for that matter.  So I about died when I saw them getting their legs together on the front porch that day:

How is it that they learn this stuff?  Now I wonder if my mom did this as a kid too.